I've been sick and its not getting better. People keep trying to think of solutions and help me which is sort of nice, but I kept trying to do things on my own and I was being optimistic that it would all get better soon. I think I might have been wrong.
My boyfriend is very sweet. He worries about me. I went over to his place for dinner the other day and I started having bad pains, so he took me to the ER and waited for a long time while we sat around. All my labs come back normal and they referred me to a specialist that I will see later today.
My mother has offered to try and help with my medical bills and she's given me all the information about old doctors and so forth and checks up and me recently.
My roomates try to figure it out and offer solutions. My friends talk about it and email me to ask if I'm still alive.
While its nice that everyone cares and wants to help, it hasn't helped that much. And for all the emailing and office hours I try to go to I'm realizing that I can't handle it on my own anymore.
I've got an apointment at the University counseling center and called the emergency dean. This is a starting place for how to navigate the bueracracy. I don't know what will happen. I may fail out. I may end in up huge debt and have to move back home. But my frist priority now has to be getting healthy. I call off work or leave early. I miss class. I break dates and pass on social plans. I feel bad. I'm only 20. I should feel healthy and energentic for more than a few hours a day. I shouldn't be in constant pain. If I have to once I am better I can get a full time job. I know I will go back to school and get my degree before too long. I am close to it and education is one of my highest priorities.
But right now I'm going to stop trying to do it all myself. I'm going to let others worry. I'm worried too. Maybe when I let myself not be alone in this I'll feel better.